waking up

Needless to say, God is faithful.

I found a church with awesome brothers and feel like I’m at home already with only 2 weeks of ever having gone to the small group bible study. Oh, my God, this love, how can it be? I have a chance to play for practice on their worship team of Wednesday. I really hope it goes well and they take me. I haven’t played drums in months… I need to practice somehow. I really hope they do get to see that all I want to do is serve God and hopefully use my talents.

Bad news though. Vic came over last night, spent the whole time with her friends and acted like I wasn’t even there almost. Oh well, I don’t care too much about it now, but yes, it bugged me. I haven’t seen her in two months and the best she can do is play tennis with her church friends for an hour. We didn’t even talk… So, I figure I can wake up this morning and have breakfast, but I was too tired when I woke up. I think to myself and she wouldn’t be there without her friends anyway, so once again, it wouldn’t be that great anyway. I go back to sleep. AND I MISS CHURCH. I’m so angry about missing church right now I feel like punching a wall. I didn’t make it a choice to miss church; it was just my not setting my alarm again. I was so tired, I wanna blame it on watching a movie with Vic and them last night, but I knwo that’s not it. I wanted to go so much… I told Gen I’d eat with her and go to Oikos together, show her the people I’ve met, fellowship with my brothers, meet God… None of that happened. I sit here trying to read the Bible and worship on my own, but it’s so hard. I can’t do anything on my own…

I think I’ll write something:

Without You

There is no purpose

There is no hope

There is no life

There is no struggle

There is no joy

There is no peace

There is no fulfillment

There is no salvation

There is no love

There is only meaningless pursuit of pleasure

There is only despair

There is only death

There is only complacency

There is only sorrow

There is only turmoil

There is only dissatisfaction

There is only sin

There is only frailty

Please don’t let me ever go on without You, God.