waking up

The reason for the ring:

Isaiah 44:9-20

Can you say that your “right hand,” the source of your power and strength is Him and only Him? Otherwise, it’s a lie.

http://www.passionnow.org/passion_experience_tour_2003_boston_news_2.htm

Stuff I’ve been pondering (these are not complaints):

-Why do I work out weekly yet still eat crappy food sometimes? *Shrug*

-Why do I go to my MW 9-11 AM class when all I do is get bored and fall asleep? Go figure.

These questions and questions like it are things I think about more than once. And this reveals a flaw in my character… I just don’t take action in certain parts of my life. I believe I could see many of my problems be corrected if I really tried. Inner strength is needed…

I have just come to realize that if you really think hard enough, there is nearly never a point to asking a why question about your life any more than once. Any more than that, and it will just eat at your conscience.

New and improved version of “Eloi, Eloi” is now done. I got to use my electric in this one, and the whole thing is done to a metronome, so it is better I guess. I’m really excited about the new possiblities with the electric…

God, You’re awesome!

This week’s been crazy so far… I saw Jason today, a friend of mine from my first year who went to study abroad last year, and it was after I decided on a whim to eat on campus. If I had not eaten where I had, and read stuff at my table for the time I did, I would have completely missed Jason on the way back toward the bus. I told him my testimony (without really hitting the parts on faith) and how church and the reaction to my first year in college totally put me on a new course in life. He saw the old me, and now he can hopefully see more of the new. Praise God!

Yesterday, although I don’t have to go into all the details (you can ask me sometime), but I had another one of those cool moments where I said something to someone and there was a Godly coincidence that occurred in it. He’s sovereign in his planning.

This week… takes my breath away.

We had just learned about Samson, and how his anointing was lost because he disobeyed so much. Cecil had spoken about spiritual formation at MasterLife, and the word really convicted me that I wasn’t guarding my times with God enough. I hadn’t been spending time with my Father. How can one minister to others without drawing from the Source? I had so little to give this week…

So, usually, I take leading worship at UCLA very seriously. And of course, I still did this week, but I didn’t get to prepare like I wanted. Normally, I try to spend a few hours for a few days before it to really seek Him for the right set. This time, I basically took a half hour until the day of. I had a midterm on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday… woke up early each morning to study, and not meet God. I felt unprepared to go out into the world for each of those days. But get this: God worked anyway.

I did alright on my tests. The lack of studying the week prior making studying during this week take away from my time with God, and it made me feel so helpless and broken. I knew my priorities were wrong, yet I had put myself in this situation where I was unable to correct it without damaging my studies. But He totally came through when He didn’t have to.

The day of UCLA Big Group, I went to try and get my set together, and everything changed. I planned for two songs of the four I usually have, but this time even those didn’t stay in the set. In the end, I wound up with “Meet With Me,” “Come and Fill Me up,” “In the Secret,” and “I Need Words.” Each of the last three songs connected with me in the vein of dependency on Him. And guess what? I got an e-mail concerning Big Group saying that “I also feel the Lord saying more dependency on Him.” I didn’t deserve that. And though I couldn’t find my transparencies, bought new ones, gave a guy a ride last minute and started a bit late, the night was still in His hands.

And the MasterLifers having to organize Progressive Dinner was crazy. We only had 7 people, and previous groups had many more. They would split into committees and take care of stuff like that, but somehow, with what little we had, the night went very well.

This capped off with this Sunday. Since the termite problem at Mt. Olive, the Garden planned on having “Worship @ the Park” in the Valley. It would be the first outdoor service, the first service in the Valley, the first in the new meeting time of 10:30 AM (instead of 1:30 PM). But it rained. This morning was immediately re-scheduled to the actual new church building, yet to be completed. We had our first worship service in the new church, dusty and all. It was so powerful, though… It didn’t matter that we didn’t have our regular meeting place. He was in the midst.

And with MasterLife today, I was supposed to teach the lesson for the week. It was crazy, because I had been up until 5:45 AM last night (or this morning) preparing for it because I didn’t do it earlier. I shouldn’t have watched the Matrix. But it went well again (although I took too much time), to His credit alone. I felt so tired from the little sleep I got when I arrived at our meeting… but I had confidence that I would get through on His strength. So when I strummed the first chord to begin the meeting with worship, all of a sudden everything shifted to the sharpest focus. The worship was so freeing, so alive.

And guess what Pastor Dave talked about for the message? The five loaves and two fish. Dang, God… You’re good.

The Development of Jazz midterm was too easy today… man. It could have been finished in 10 minutes, but they waited forever to do the listening section. God’s so merciful too, because I haven’t been on top of the school work like I should have been.

My mom used to say, “He must really love you,” every time something good would happen to me. When I got into UCLA, she said, “God must REALLY REALLY love you.” Kinda mean, but my mom’s funny like that.

These days plenty of fresh music is flowing out, but no lyrics. And I’ve tried forcing it, too. It just comes out with no taste. I can sit for a while and come up with some stuff that is cool, but begs for lyrics.

My mom was sympathetic to the plight of my clothes, so I’m gonna go get myself some new stuff. Still can’t believe someone would take my laundry.

My opera midterm was today. Instead of pulling an all-nighter like I thought I might have to, I just slept for around 9-10 hours, intentionally. I think I did alright, too. I guess going to class and paying attention does pay off.