waking up

So I’m home. My trip started off quite poorly. Speeding ticket, overdraft charges… probably wasting around $300 of my parents money by not thinking. But it is cool being home again. Life slowed down when I got here.

I almost feel like a wanderer. I know my parents love me and all my friends are happy to see me, but it’s awkward being home. Maybe it’s a combination of the house having been re-painted, my bed being moved, and many lives simply having carried on without me. I never really thought it would happen, but I’m starting to feel that I’m just visiting. It had to happen sometime.

God — You make everything beautiful.

[09:08:14 PM] warjianrumoelliu: i would definitely like to hang out

[09:08:21 PM] wow its lum: yeah, i would too

[09:08:27 PM] warjianrumoelliu: but it seems to be impossible

[09:08:29 PM] wow its lum: it’s alright though, semester system

[09:08:30 PM] wow its lum: yup

[09:08:34 PM] wow its lum: committments and such

[09:08:35 PM] warjianrumoelliu: unless i bring the guys up or something

[09:08:41 PM] warjianrumoelliu: to ghetto stockton

[09:08:47 PM] wow its lum: hahaha

[09:08:50 PM] wow its lum: i kinda don’t wnat you guys here

[09:08:56 PM] wow its lum: because then you’d see my wayward lifestyle

[09:09:08 PM] wow its lum: because i sleep on a pile of money with many beautiful women

[09:09:23 PM] warjianrumoelliu: that’s going into the blog

[09:09:30 PM] wow its lum: haha aw man

What a roller coaster life has been lately. I’m learning now that God is forever constant, unchanging, faithful, unlike the people and things we put our trust in. No, no, I’m not talking about specific people… But my point… ultimately even my mom or best friend or wife someday is gonna fail to live up to my expectations. And the cool thing is, not only will God never fail to care about me, but He has the power to bring me out of a dark place. Every time I am brought out, it is pure grace.

And I am thankful for people God uses to bless me. Their kind of obedience to Him is what makes the world inhabitable.

Yesterday was one of the craziest days of my life. Thank God God doesn’t change.

P.S. Here’s my latest recorded version of “Eloi, Eloi” that you can stream:

Eloi, Eloi

A first try at poetry. Sorry if it sucks, but I needed to do this regardless.

***

Though after God’s own heart

he could cry, “Forsaken!”

Whether he foreknew His cry,

or pained in himself,

that Pain stares out

Alive, It searches

and finds me cowering, now knowing-

Real joy in part is better than false joy in full.

Empty and weightless,

filled with burden

Seeking, believing,

bereaved and shifting

Incredulous, apart,

though after God’s own heart

I feel like I’ve gone through many seasons all in one day. This is not the first time it’s happened. The rest of this stuff is between me and God.

Wow… JoEllen made me a painting on this mini canvas for my birthday. The blessings just don’t stop!

I forgot to mention… Trina gave me a 32 oz. Nalgene bottle. Too cool. And I got some cool stuff like a book on worship, some nice cards, and a couple random gag gifts: air fresheners for my car, and a couple books bought at a rummage sale including Bill Cosby’s book, “Parenthood.” Thanks, Christine. I’ll be sure to read that one right after “I’ve got a Wocket in my Pocket.”

It has to be real to me before it can be real from me to you.