waking up

Cool.

EADGBE

DGDGAD

DADGBD (tried for one night)

DACGBE (one night as well)

Expand your horizons, young chinese boy. Create.

After the crazy summer I’ve had thus far, I think I’m now back to “reality.” Yes, the emotional high season is pretty much over. I don’t really like the thought that I’m not “on fire” every single second, but I knew it would come. It’s time to get real.

I sometimes wonder what walking with God is like for people who work all week from 9-5 — dealing with annoying people, having patience while in traffic, or just trying to be excellent in stuff that just isn’t totally fulfilling.

I get to have all the fun. It’s been easy for me, as I’ve been doing mostly ministry-related stuff all summer long. I could see God working all around me (miracles and testimonies), through me (ministry), in me (transformation). But because most of that stuff is over for the summer. Time to get down and dirty with my walk… seeking Him for the basics – His presence… for the Living Bread and Water. To be the normal Christian.

Revivalution 2004-2005. We’re gonna be ridin’ a big wave, so get ready y’all.

Back in LA.

***

So much has happened. Words and typing are just inadequate… simply futile. I think I began to feel this way a few months ago when the stuff I was going through was just too spiritual to really describe in a way that wouldn’t keep me at the computer for hours, trying to capture the state of my heart, this and that…

So – CAMP: I was a shepherd for the first time in my life. In the beginning of accepting the role as Worship Coordinator of BAAYF (whatever) I thought it was mostly gonna be planning, musical stuff, encouragement, sharing experience I’ve gained… but nah. It turned out to be all-out dependence on the Holy Spirit for wisdom, discernment, vision, and sensitivity. New to me. Praise God for that. God did it once again at BAAYF all throughout the camp as well. Jaeson Ma rocked the sermons, Garrett and Calvin and the rest of the Worship Team… SO PROUD! The Crazy Holy Spirit Night with kids gettin’ healed, 20+ salvations throughout the week… where do I stop? Here. God just came. That’s it.

Coming back from camp, I hear from my mom that SHE got healed. Her ankle was fractured in a fall at home, and the first x-ray from the doctor confirmed it. The surgeon called for a second x-ray, but this one revealed no fracture. In 45 minutes, God healed her ankle. My mom testified, “God healed it!” as the doctor was in disbelief. It didn’t really surprise me after camp.

Then, “Manfest” – 11 guys, sharing session. Guys I hadn’t seen for months, all gathered in the same room as we shared about missions and camp and all that good stuff.

Counselor De-Briefing – no New York’s or Ribeye’s… what a disappointment.

Meeting with Pastor Wayne and Lawrence… so affirming and loving.

Dinner/sharing with Mom and Dad – long overdue, so it was sweet.

Back in LA.

***

I feel a depth of sadness I have not known for a while. I had forgotten to call my mom after arriving in LA, so she calls me a few hours later. We talk briefly while I’m sitting in the middle of TJ’s birthday party in my apartment, and I am listening to myself speak as if I want my mom to finish the phone call. In confusion, I hear my dismissive tone as she says, “remember to call me!” and then hangs up.

How could I NOT call her? I love her so much. My heart ached so much in that moment that I could not call all of my affection forth in that phone call… even if it was merely to let her know that I cared. What hurt even more was the thought that perhaps she was hurt at what seemd to be dismissal. It was at this moment I realized how much I miss my parents.

In a kind of echo to my last post about my parents, this was a seemingly trivial encounter. But, I believe, it showed me how much I truly don’t return their love. I just receive as they give and give and give.

I just receive.

So full. So peaceful. So joyful. So filled. So still and silenced.

He is God, and I abide in Him.

Son0fBruce: frick

Son0fBruce: i need professional help

The extravaganza is here! OH YES, it is my 372nd post!

For anyone who still reads this, pray for BAAYF (Bay Area Asian Youth Fellowship) camp next week…. starts Sunday night and ends Friday morning. God’s awesome and will pour out His glory over there, for sure! For me, above all other personal requests… I need to be simply overwhelmed by Him.

As for my life, right now I have been very privileged this past week. The BAAYF worship team is blessing me continually. I see His hand on each one, and I get a glimpse of their hearts for Him… and it just spurs me on. I’m so humbled by Him in each one of them..,

I chilled with Aileen yesterday… t’was cool. We had On the Bridge and Sophie’s Crepes, so MMMMMMM *tummy rub* to those who know.

372nd post: Fin.

Poem #2. (08.03.04 edit: I messed up. Here’s the real poem.)

Peaceably Incomplete

Holy frustration

Deep urgings to examine

what’s inside

How do I walk towards…? feel…? face the Unknowable?

That Infinite Vastness should lie Imman-ent,

I stand breathless.

Reaching to touch

What cannot be grasped.

I listen to me…

Speak, You, speak.