waking up

It is now my last quarter in UCLA.

I have come to believe that the university–while it was a place where my faith was challenged and built-up, my person torn and mended, my identity shaken and re-formed–has been a safe, safe world. A world in which I still had class the next Monday, a world in which I wasn’t asked for much more than few hours of academic devotion every so often, a world where I was still very much protected by my parents and entertained by my peers. While the things I come to manage continually piled up over the years, there is still much I have yet to steward. At the moment, the Warren people know and count on is largely untried and untested. I’m not yet road-worthy.

I am far from the crash-tested model that makes it to the lot. I’m still scrap metal and raw steel. I’m jagged and bent, and I need to be shaped a good amount before I can run. But He has bought me already, just as I am. Regardless of my present nature, He sees what can be–the final product… usable for whatever purpose, big or small, but always the Master’s purpose. He even makes use out of this heap of stuff throughout the process, which is nothing short of amazing.

I shouldn’t fight the bending and breaking. As long as I know why…

And as the end of this portion of the road approaches, I ask myself how true I will be in a year, in five years, to the things in my keeping. It’s in the things of the now where my faith is proven. How will I treat the hard-to-love people? How will I prepare my worship sets? How will I pray when no one is around? How will my attitude be towards the tedious?

Too much analogy for now. Need the real fire.

Church conference was crazy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so many words could not tell, so I will just say that God is big, we are small, and every now and then we see that truth in part.

I long to be formed into the man of God He wants me to be. Tests, trials… renew my heart towards them and supply me with the faith to pass through them. You told me once two years ago, but You have caused me to remember that there is no easy way to come into an anointing.

By the way, highest GPA ever (yes, ever in my life). Winter quarter of 2005, Warren Lain wins with a 3.9.

The mystery of the Gospel–”which is Christ in you, the hope of glory”–is killing me.