waking up

So I have this friend who was doing nothing one day after being let out early from work. Apparently, he was just walking along in the mall, minding his own business, looking for something at the Gap. Then out of nowhere, he hears this, “Hey man! You, yeah, you man!” This guy must want money.

***

“So, are you like a Christian?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Oh, great! Come with me, walk with me, let’s like find a bench or something outside so we can talk. It’s so noisy in here.” He begins to walk.
“…” and my friend begins to follow.
“So yeah man, how long you been a Christian?”
“Since I was a little kid… like 15 years.”
“Wow, man, you are my example. You see, I just received Jesus a few months ago, so maybe someday I will be just like you.”
“…” my friend acknowledges the strangeness of this statement politely.
“Yeah, man, I really appreciate that you are walking with me.” They sit down outside the mall. My friend notices that this man is covered in gang tatoos. “I am very encouraged that you actually respect me enough to listen.” They exchange names. “I just came over here from Fresno, and I left this gang… hey man, you know anything about gangs?”
“…I know about them, but I’ve never been in contact with any…” he said.
“You know what happens when you leave a gang?”
“No.”
“It’s hard, man. I started this gang over there years ago; but in last few months I’d been reading the Bible, you know, the Gospels: Matthew, Luke, and John, and then I gave my life to Christ. But it’s been hard. You see, I’ve been coming out here back and forth, and then I got this construction job, and a new apartment over in Santa Clara, but I gotta tell you man, I am stepping out in faith, and being obedient to the Lord. You don’t know how humbling this is.”
At this point, my friend’s suspicions were confirmed, but still, the language, the exchange seemed more than the typical scam. My friend encouraged him, said that not everyone in the Church is willing to take risks for God. A lot of people go the simple route and just say they trust God while in the meantime they don’t do anything. The ex-gang member jumps up in excitement.
“Dude! I was totally just saying the same thing to my friend. He’s a new Christian too, and I was just saying a lot of these church people spend all their time in church, and don’t risk nothing. I believe that when God calls you to do something, you need to be obedient, or else how will He bless you?”
“Right.”
“So lemme tell you what’s my situation… I’m tired man, I’ve been feeling heavy-hearted all day. But tomorrow morning I get a paycheck for $4000, but tonight I gotta pay my motel and my apartment. Everything I have is in this backpack, my deodorant, my clothes. Tomorrow I will come back here and meet you at 11:30, and we can fellowship some more and I’ll take you to lunch. I’ll even give you three bills.”
“That’s unnecessary, man.”
“No! Look at my eyes, man, I really mean it. I want to bless you. Like we say in Spanish, (____) means ‘with all my heart.’ That’s for real, folks. I want to bless you back, brother. This is how the Lord wants me to do it. You have to let the Lord bless you.”
So he leads my friend over toward the bank (to no surprise) and just keeps talking. He wants $200. As they stand there on the pavement with the most vulnerable and most distant hearts, my friend has had enough.
“Look, man, I don’t mean to waste your time or anything. I was asking God about it as we were walking, and I told God that I would give this man everything in my wallet. But I am telling you, I don’t have $200. I have this.” He pulls out $13.
“No man, you don’t understand. I put it on my life… I will get it back to you.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Look at me, man.” He seems sincere. “I swear on my life. You gotta let me do this the way the Lord wants me to! I’m begging you. I was praying and then, right away, God sends you to me. Won’t you be filled with the compassion of the Lord?”
My friend just stands there, and his eyes begin to tear up. And the man keeps talking. And my friend’s thoughts are racing–Surely, this can’t be You, Lord… but when did we feed You or clothe You?… when you do unto the least of my brothers… NO, Lord, it can’t be You. It’s my mom’s money, anyway.
My friend begins to break into tears. Lord, you can have everything, but this can’t be You. And the man keeps talking. “I’ve been feeling like you are all day.”
My friend squats down, and the tears begin to spill down his face onto the pavement as cars roll by. No, no, no… this is either the ugliest thing in the world, or the most beautiful. Oh, God… help me… this is the worst thing or the most beautiful… The man has stopped talking by now.
He cries for a few minutes. They are the longest minutes of his life.
Then silence is broken, and the man’s voice comes again. “I dunno why you’re crying man, this is a joyful thing. The Lord is taking you to a new level.”
He continues to cry.
“Why are you crying, man?” He pauses. “You know man, I know you really care…” He pauses again. “It shows you have the Holy Spirit.” He stands there trying to console. “What’s going on man, tell me why the tears.”
And in the biggest act of worship he has ever offered, he wipes away his tears in silence and begins to walk to the bank. The man waits off to the side.
He withdraws $100. He gives him the hundred, and the $13 as well. “This is $100, and that’s all I can give you.” And, as they walk, there is some kind of release.
“Thank you, brother, you don’t know how much this means. Be sure to come back tomorrow.”
“You know… I believe money is a test. I mean, how can God use us for the big things, for the Kingdom, if we can’t manage our money? I mean, money can turn a man’s heart black, or he can master it. And to tell you the truth, I either just did the stupidest thing in the world, or I don’t know. But I did it unto the Lord.”
“Well, come back tomorrow. And we will have lunch together, and fellowship some more. Okay? Come back here tomorrow at 11:30. Don’t forget.”

***

Stupid? Or was it beautiful?

Wow… can we all say together, “God is AMAZING?”

For the past two days, I have been sharing some time with Elton, going to this church development-type workshop. It was truly a wake-up, a refresher, and a turning point for me since my time at Haven.

I found that in the month I lived at home (and this NEVER fails), that I became not only lazy, but complacent. I could hear God’s voice gently tugging at my heart, but I would just sit back and watch TV. It broke my heart and I felt exposed when our groups meditated, processed, and began to grasp once again the fundamentals of the Christian life, and the heart of the Church. How could I be so calloused? How could I be so utterly naive to the fact that Satan’s greatest work in my life is luring me into utter lack of concern for God’s heart?

At the workshop, among the other spiritual BOMBS dropped, one of the leaders, Mike Chong Perkinson, said that “the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy.” So true, because in fact, when you hate, you at least acknowledge the personhood of the hated,. But in apathy, you fail to acknowledge that God even exists, is present, much less His heart and His Kingdom. In apathy, you are utterly consumed with yourself.

John spoke of Jesus when He cleansed the Temple, that the disciple remembered the Scripture, “Zeal for Your house consumes me.” I am consumed by the petty things that surround us in our daily lives? Or are we utterly eaten up by passion for the Lord–a passion that causes us to run so hard our eyes become blind at the stinging of the wind, knowing only that we must keep running? Jesus’ heart was restless at the sight of His Father’s temple being desacralized… Are we the same with our bodies, the temple of His indwelling?

Rage against your complacent flesh, the pride of life, the heart that will not worship.

***

The model of Church as business is wrong. Jesus did it so much the opposite way… the way of taking on a few disciples who would become catalytic leaders, and turn the world upside down. He went and called out to people, “follow Me,” and chose to use those who were anything BUT the best and the brightest. But a heart fully bowed to God is a radical person, living out a mission. The point was made that less than a few dozen committed people could forever alter America’s security system on 9/11, working on the side of evil, but that it can be done again, but for the Kingdom. Why do we spend so much time preaching and so little time sharing our lives in Him? Isn’t it really the person you spend the most time with, invest in the most, that will end up imitating your pattern? The churched-masses may get their fill, but will the chosen have disciplers when they come forth?

***

So, right now I’m sitting in my new room in San Jose. It’s so nice to finally rest a little bit… I have decided that I hate moving.

So now I get to sell cool stuff at ridiculous prices for Guitar center. I have a new apartment, a new roommate, a new desk, two new bookshelves, and a semi-new computer. And much thanks to my parents for buying me a 2005 Honda Element. Praise God. I even have a new hairstyle (sort of). I’m truly excited! Yet for a moment, I think I’m coming to realize now that I don’t appreciate these things THAT much. You would think that I should… that I’m crazy if I don’t appreciate this stuff a LOT. Who knows? Maybe I’m crazy. I should be thinking, “I’d rather have these new things than live like the other 90% of the world that does—with nothing.”

But in time, the glimmer fades away, the shiny becomes dim. Not because they are not blessings anymore, but because they’re just twists on the same stuff: work, home, transportation, and self-image. They might keep you going, get you worked up for a while, and even give you joy. But there really is nothing new under the sun.

So thought one wise man thousands of years ago. There was once some guy who claimed to have seen in all, done it all, and in the end, counted it all as smoke, vanity. He found that only one thing was crucial to true living:

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:
Fear God and keep His
commandments,
For this is man’s all.
For God will bring every work into
judgment,
Including every secret thing,
Whether good or evil.

After having lived it up, consuming every pleasure in life, this was his motto.

Why do I live in my set old ways? Asleep when I should be running so hard…

It’s like being too busy to play with your kids. Or arguing with a crazy man. It’s never withdrawing from the bank. Absolute stupidity.

From “A Collision,”

Come Awake – David Crowder

Come awake, from sleep arise
You were dead, become alive
Wake up, wake up, open your eyes
Climb from your grave into the light
Bring us back to life

Rise, rise, rise to life…
Shine, oh, shine–wake up, wake up
Light will shine–wake up, wake up
Love will rise–wake up, wake up
Light will shine, shine, shine, shine
He’s shining on us now

***

In one sense, death is absence from everything else that is going on. I mean, when someone dies, the clock keeps ticking, the Earth keeps spinning, people still have drama, and beautiful things continue to happen. This dead person is just distanced, removed, asleep.

And we are all asleep. Our notion of life is quite skewed, actually. For everything we have seen, everything taught us, everything we feel, hear, touch, and think is essentially dream-nothingness. One day we will wake up. We will wake up and see that our “lives” were made up of sweet, terrible, and confusing images that fade to gray when we face the reality of the endless day. We will wake up to what we only see now through faith.

I’m tired of sleeping.

Much thanks to all who made this weekend possible. I truly had a blast, although it ended with my friend getting a speeding ticket.

Drama after a good night at Rev!Worship… some dorks tried to steal a car stereo and CDs from one of my friends–right as fellowship ended! So some guys proceeded to chase. These poor souls, however, made it out and got picked up by their very own getaway car, that sadly, had a license plate that was both visible and memorable. They’ll be brought to justice if all goes well.

Sad thing, though, is I got images of rage in my head when I saw the chaos… sisters left on the ground, shocked and crying. I wanted to protect, and it was already too late. But the emotion was so hard to control… which is pretty rare for me these days. I felt manipulated, like a puppet of some sort, being tugged by the darkness of the world, provoking a reaction of self-preservation. Why? I couldn’t understand… but the conversation I had today with a sister helped me to figure a bit out. You need be exposed to all dimensions of depravity as well as the much-loved comforts of the heightened life in Christ to ultimately deepen your experience of the Cross. Jesus took it all on, and how are we to share in His suffering, His horrible burden, or His jealous rage, when we stay in a bubble? Why don’t we ever consider the dimensions of death and depression or even anger? The human experience, and especially the experience of those who are in Christ, should never exclude these pieces of the picture… We’re forgetting about the fully human side of Jesus, otherwise.

***

So, Robbie Seay is pretty good… maybe I will start listening to his stuff. Shane squared were dope as always. DC*B was truly inspiring… and you could tell that while they were going for quite a bit of their new material, they were more interested in leading worship that night. Truly awesome as they took it back to “Our Love Is Loud,” then into “Undignified,” then into “Sing Like The Saved.” The thought truly crossed my mind, “What if I damage my vocal chords?” With 10,000 screaming people, I chose not to care. Never yelled so hard or long in my life, and y’all from BAAYF know that fact is, thus, telling of how unimaginably great the night was.

Erwin McManus did rock the house, although he spoke almost entirely from his book, “The Barbarian Way.” It’s basically the whole deal where you can’t expect God to keep you fully safe or applaud the take-precaution lifestyle, but you can expect to live a crazy adventure of purpose if You choose to embrace His will over your fears… It is better in person, though.

Jesus, if even 100 people got the message loud and clear… would Your Spirit make it ripple out?