waking up

Every now and then you forget why God made you the way you are.
Every now and then you forget why God put you where you are.
Every now and then you forget that what God says about Himself is true.
Every now and then you forget you can let God remind you.

So I want to quit work really soon. Maybe right after the holiday season when I get my “big” commission check.

Yes, yes, I know, juxtaposed with my previous post about my first week on the job, it seems sudden that I would want to quit so soon, or that perhaps I have faced extraordinary hardship since then, but the fact is, I just think I have learned more about who I am as a person. And this person I am doesn’t want to work at Guitar Center longer than he should.

I have helped people buy things they should not have. Spoiled young adults still mooching off their parents, and yet, have less than significant potential… I’m actually encouraging them to spend more money! I sell things which I know little about, but I have to sound confident without lying. The pay is just bad… and not that I need more money to feel better about myself, but because I am actually spending time at work that is lost forever–time I could be spending with people… time I might be making tons more money somewhere else–the money I could part with in any way I choose while still being responsible. And because I want to make more money, I’m selling more things than I know about or putting gear into the hands of people who shouldn’t have it in the first place. It’s a cycle. I do get to hook up friends, though, and get myself some nice gear…

I met this guy named Thor like four Sundays ago. He just came in while we were having some sandwiches after our service and we welcomed him in. He was a tall man, and looked very strong and experienced. He had a huge hiking backpack on. He was a hitchhiker, and apparently, he had just flown in from Hawaii, seeing what his next step should be. He was a very softspoken man, gentle… and I wanted to spend the day with him, but he had to get going. He wanted to find his way to LA, and then swing on by his friend’s place in Nevada. But the thing is, he wasn’t crazy or anything. He was just searching. He said he had been into Buddhism and Shintoism, tried this and that, and recently, he was introduced to Christianity. He understood that it was about spirituality, not religion, and he knew that God had a plan for his life. But he had not committed himself to Christ.

Auntie Jennie stood there and asked him if he had asked Jesus into his heart. I just couldn’t help but feel that it was too soon to ask… And I know we all need to make a decision to follow Christ and all, but I would rather Thor see what a community that follows Christ looks like, than in time, he might say, “Yes, that is beautiful, I want it, too.” He would see the life of Christ in us, he would see redeemed humanity right before his very eyes. He wouldn’t be told to accept some formula or some idea that would have little relevance to his current predicament.

I wanted to bring him in to my new apartment, and yet, I myself was new. I didn’t know if it would be alright with everyone else, plus, I was starting work the next day. It broke my heart when I heard that he had to come back for a court date in December, because he got temperamental with an officer who told him not to sleep in the park, because then I thought, “Where is he going to stay? How is he going to eat? I can’t even tell him to call me, because he doesn’t have a stupid phone… What the hell is wrong with this world? Why can’t we all share our lives with each other? Why do we have to build our castles in the sand?”

So I let him leave. And I went to work the next day. And I began to see how people scratch and claw their way through the retail business. It’s almost all vanity.

What do I do? Do I dream for a job that pays me a lot of money to never go to work? That way, I can get money and just help people with my time. Yeah, that seems to be the best solution. Oh wait, I can just go into full-time ministry. Perfect. Oh wait, I already heard that calling, and decided to follow it like three years ago…

So the ex-gang member never came.

***

Full-time work. Wow. I never expected it to beat me down so hard, but the first week had me excited, crushed, spent, and eager almost as much as being on missions. I couldn’t understand it, but I realized that physically and mentally it is draining to be on your feet, helping people and pushing your own agenda every minute of the 9 hour shift (minus lunch). I also learned that if you don’t train new employees, they are bound to get frustrated if they have lots of potential.

After today, marking the beginning of my second week of work, I must say that Guitar Center is not that bad. Sure, it is sales, and sales can sometimes be shady, but I try my best to help customers with sincerity, and at the same time, make a fair buck. I enjoy the challenge, and hopefully soon, I will actually make a commission check (because they subtract your total wage from your total commission before they pay you commission). It’s weird… because I didn’t work that hard at getting sales today, but I made #8 for the day in the store by the time I left…

And so one of the top ten salesmen in the COUNTRY for accessories (the department where I work) is this Indian guy named Ajay, and I work with him. He just tells people what they need to buy and they buy it. I asked him how he finds such people who want to do crazy huge deals with him, and I mentioned luck. It was just a figure of speech for me, but he said, “I don’t believe in luck. Know what I believe in?” And he shows me a cross around his neck. So, today I found out he is Christian. Crazy, huh? His birthday is soon, and I want to get him Blue Like Jazz.