waking up

Talking is sometimes really selfish. I think I said the same thing on my blogger a few years back, but it was because I was pissed off at someone and I didn’t want to vent online. I said it to make myself feel more righteous. Now, it’s a bit different, I think. I failed at this tonight…

I had a chance to listen to one of my students talk about his life, his dreams, his family, his faith… and I did listen, but not for very long. I kept interjecting my own point of view on things, kind of preaching about how Jesus is all about this, and Jesus is all about that, hoping to inspire and encourage him to seek out Jesus. And of course, nothing is wrong with hoping to inspire and encourage people to seek out Jesus, but what bothered me was this: It felt very much like I was talking out of my own strength, and not relying at all on whatever God wanted to do. I was very conscious of it, yet, being unsure of my role in our conversation, I kept right on talking because I thought I would never get a chance to share my life with this guy. I see now that my role (when talking to person I don’t know too well)–as someone who has trouble with this–is primarily to listen. I have next to no problems sharing about my faith and my opinions and even my weak points these days.

And if there is one thing I have learned about being a great leader/pastor from my time serving under Elton, it is listening. In this chapter of my life (coming up on two years here in SJ), I have done a lot of growing up, and learned lots about myself–especially with regard to my motives/fears. This tendency to over-speak and under-listen, I think, stems from a need to feel appreciated. This appears like judgmentalism or putting myself on a high horse, or just hot air.

Again, like Luke from the Garden told me way back in 2002 (and he has such a blunt but powerful way of communicating), “No one wants to hear what you have to say unless you listen first.”

But wow… listening is amazing. When you put yourself in a position of empathy, not having all the answers or feeling the need to talk at people or fix them, the world changes. You stop living in the world of “me,” and it becomes a world of “us.” You share pain and joy, understand frustration and angst and bitterness, and truly resonate the deep feelings of uncertainty, insecurity, and desperation in the subtlest forms that go by unnoticed daily. You learn more about humanity, yourself, the world, God…

As Pete Scazzero said, listening is hard to distinguish from love.

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1 John 4:16-19

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because he first loved us.

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If I could ask for one thing, God, I would ask for Your love to be made complete in me. And so I ask.

My blogger is acting up, and I don’t know if it will ever become available again. There goes four years.

Anyway, I thought I’d share some Scripture here with people, as highlighted per my friend, Allen Joe:

James 4:13-17

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.

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So I think a lot of times we are waiting… waiting for God to speak or drop money in our lap or give us a sign pointing out exactly what He wants. James says don’t wait… you already know the good you ought to do. You should do the best with what you have been given, and stop stalling, delaying, so afraid of failure and imperfection. We keep ourselves from truly learning and growing sometimes just because we think we are inadequate, whereas the image of God in us is beautiful enough.